I'm like the Unmerciful Servant...

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Matthew 18:32-35 (NIV)
"[Jesus answered...] Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

I have a problem that eats me alive if I let it. I think it is my friend, but it never is-- that is just a lie from the Devil used to deceive me and further my relationship with God. I use this "friend" to hurt others around me... even if I love them dearly. I use the "friend" to harm others and to attempt to make myself feel better and more superior than those who first hurt me. "Friend" and I cry out to God to punish the offender so as to satisfy my selfishness... yet soon I am eaten alive... with little left of me even living. I then cry out to God to remove this problematic "friend" from where I am in life... and in his infinite love and grace... he shows me mercy... completely undeserved mercy.

The friends' name is bitterness.

What? I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BITTERNESS?! I know... hard to believe right? Well believe it.... it is very true. I have a story I still harbor in my heart... even though it has been nearly a year since it occurred. I left my hoodie in someone's room at the end of the year this past May... and while I don't wish to re-hash the entire story, I still have bitterness in my heart toward two people-- with one person in particular. I mean... that was MY favorite hoodie! It was so nice and comfortable!! And now I don't have it!!! I don't know what ever happened to the hoodie... maybe it was thrown away... or maybe the person I am angry at to this day took it and sold it for some extra ca$h. I guess I'll never really know for sure...

My point is though that I NEED to LET THIS GO! I really do... it's over and done with. What does harboring bitterness in my heart do to the other person? Not much-- she doesn't like me anyway at all! She's not hurt that I'm angry about this. I need to just get over it. I sin against God FAR more than this person sins against me... and if I can't forgive her for what happened a year ago, how can I expect God to forgive me of my evils I've done just this past week? I know I've written about this before... but be patient with me... this is truly a hard lesson for me to 100% GET. I'm working on it...

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